Self Loathing Emergency Kit

Self Loathing Emergency Kit:
1) Are you believing the lie that your success is directly proportionate to the amount of effort you put into it?
It is not. The world may not recognize the achievements you made in even attempting what you did. But you can. Take some time and be proud of yourself for your effort.

2) Are you believing the lie that you deserve more?
You don’t. Every opportunity is a gift from God. Take some time and list your blessings.

3) Are you believing the lie that your self worth is dependent on how much you physically achieve?
Remove that thought.
Your value is eternally and exponentially greater than you or I can even imagine, it is granted and judged by The Lord, who has prized you highly enough to die for. As bad as you may esteem yourself, you do not have the authority to strip away that value. Practice seeing yourself as Christ does you.

4) Do you believe that you’re a piece of poop đź’© who can’t or won’t ever do anything good because of some internal flaw?
Also untrue. Everyone grows at their own pace, in a spiritual journey that is determined by God and will be brought to completion. (Phil. 1:6)

5) Do you believe any other lie, in short, that places control of your life in your hands, and not the Father’s? Meditate on growing closer to Him and not inflating or deflating yourself.

Lazy

I want to speak out on something. I’ve decided I no longer believe in lazy people. There are only people who are meeting their goals, and people who haven’t started yet. I woke up this morning and said “I’m a lazy writer. I’m depressed. I’m sick. I’m addicted to Facebook.” I am tired of wonderful people being sabotaged by themselves, when you should be your own biggest champion.

No. Everyone is valuable. I am no longer accepting the lie that for some reason you are not entitled to your personal happiness–and thus, I might not be as well. Quit telling me you’re out of the game.

Life is like a gym, and you’re the kid that can’t lift the 5 lb. bar. The first day you go in, everyone’s going to laugh at you. But if you go in every day, you’ll move up to the 10, the 15, and the 20, and you’ll still be working the gym when everyone else stopped showing up.

Everyone has different challenges. And yeah, it’s going to be hard. But it’s going to be a lot harder if you define yourself by those challenges, and that’s not how Jesus sees you either. Every day and every second can be a new beginning. I am no longer accepting negativity in my life.

One Year after Pulse

One year ago on this day 49 people were killed at the Orlando gay nightclub “Pulse” on its weekly Latin Night. More than 50 more were injured and about 200 more escaped as survivors. It was the deadliest mass shooting in US history, and I would urge you to do some research on the stories of the victims.

When I heard about the news I was on vacation at the beach, and at first I brushed it off as “just another shooting.” (A pretty lame response, I’m sorry to admit.) But when I looked closer, what I found shocked and angered me. Though we can only move forward if we forgive, I find myself thinking about this event so often. 49 people killed by an American citizen.

I struggle to find words to make sense of it. How can we fight terrorism overseas when we are so busy fighting it on our own soil?

Before he was killed, the shooter pledged allegiance to ISIS. But it was a gay nightclub, and it was Latin Night. It is hard to stay complacent when entire communities are targeted in this way, and unchecked bigotry threatens everyone’s security. I pray for a world where we all show a better side of humanity. We WILL get there. But we have not arrived there yet, and I remain upset.

Rest in Peace.

My Easter

For the last 3 1/2 months, I have been living as if there were no redemption.

This entire weekend, the only thoughts I’ve had about Easter were how “ill-prepared” I was spiritually to face it.
Despite the entire religious observance being about grace, I have felt guilt at not spending enough time meditating and being “Christian enough” to fully appreciate it. I have had only a dull apathy.

This morning, I overslept and my inaction caused me to miss the celebration at my home church.

I have been praying that on Easter, God would show up, and wreck my life, and I think it is in that space of inability to pave the way for my own salvation that God works most.

When we judge ourselves, or when we are in a time in life where we only seem to encounter judgment, punishment, and no mercy–in other words, when we are in the Wilderness, it is easy to forget that the reason we continue living through it at all is the hope of our reward in heaven.

We are a fallen people, and though our world is being redeemed, it is full of self-inflicted darkness.
But the promise of Easter is that we have the power to overcome sin through the penalty having been transacted on the cross.

Because of that truth, nothing else in our lives matters but the love we show to each other, and our overflowing worship to God. The one is fueled by the other. Our enemies on earth are the very same people that Jesus died for, and they are the ones we must love the most relentlessly.

I hope wherever you are, you have had a blessed Easter.

The Tension of Blogging OR Yet another Perfunctory Introduction

May 13, 2014

There’s something about blogging that has always seemed inherently hypocritical to me.

I won’t pretend to have read thousands of blogs, but from what I can tell, in the “blogging community” the advice is to be aware of your audience. In other words, are you writing for others to be entertained, informed, or connected, or are you writing mostly for yourself? I tend to run a bit long-winded in my posts, and judge my work in its content and length mostly by my own standards. This way, any readers interested in regularly following will get an accurate representation of myself, and my online persona will more or less fit the mold I see for myself in real life. To go morbid, much of my writing serves as an attempt to account for myself should I die.

To me, this seems to be an incredibly narcissistic goal. For who am I to judge myself, or claim that my thoughts have a more valuable weight simply for having been written down? Yet, by much encouragement, I’ve created a blog for others to read, besides myself. Moreso, in the writing of said blog I keep in mind that I will have an audience. My editing and maintenance of this online journal is done in service to others. Do you see the tension, now?

Taking it one layer deeper, of course, we could analyze this entire post and interpret it as a backdoor apology, offered before I’ve really written anything. In short, I pray that in following my internal call to write my thoughts and publish them for a public eye, I won’t offend, I won’t waste your time, and I won’t be untrue. But in the end, I will still keep a blog.

MND 5.1.440-447, -William Shakespeare