Was headed back from the coffee shop last night.
Passed this car pulled over to the side on Mulholland Drive.
It’s a windy street. Goes up through the hills where celebrities live.
Not a good place to park.
Despite myself I walked over to see if everything was ok.
It looked like no one was there.
But sitting in the driver’s seat was a little brown dog.
I said Hey Boy. What’s Wrong?
The dog said, “Hey.”
Except it wasn’t the dog.
There was a man tied up in the back.
I turn around to see the man bound by the wrists and legs.
I thought I smelled blood.
“I’m not the dog,” the man said.
“I’m a man and I’m tied up in the back.”
I said Holy Crap.
The dog started barking.
The man said, “Good boy.”
I tried calling the cops.
But there was no signal.
We were all alone.
I said Whose car is this?
Where are the keys?
Where is the man who tied you up?
I looked out in the darkness. Cold fear paralyzed me as I imagined how the driver might even now be preparing to leap from his hidden place to strike again.
I saw the keys were still in the ignition.
I hopped in and started the car.
I shut the door. It locked behind me.
I reached up trembling to the button for OnStar’s 4G Roadside Assistance.
“Welcome to OnStar How can we Assist?” The woman said.
I glanced back to the man, but the man was gone.
I realized the man was never there.
“Hello?” The woman said. “I can’t hear you.”
“Bark Bark,” I said.
I was trying to be the driver, but there was never a driver.
There was never a dog.
I was the dog.
I was the good boy.